Articles

Of Course Trump Wants to Throw Himself a Military Parade: The Daily Show

July 24, 2019



America
doesn't need a big parade to convince the world
that it has a military. Trust me, the world knows
America has a military. It's in their countries
right now. Like, if you…
-(cheering, applause) You don't need one. If you really want a parade,
just, like, every time there's a drone strike,
just fly another drone behind it, playing
marching music, you know? Just like…
(imitates marching band music) (imitates explosion) It's a parade. And although Trump
is really excited about, uh, getting to play with the
army like they're his G.I. Joes, uh, luckily,
most people are adults. I say that
it's a fantastic waste of money to amuse the president. It's kind of cheesy
and, I think, shows weakness, quite frankly. That's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard. We've got to also be cautious
on how we do spending. We have a Napoleon
in the making here. I don't know. It seems like
a waste of money. -Damn.
-(audience gasps, oohs) You know it's bad
when even Fox News thinks this is a waste of money. Yeah, they're like, "You can't
spend that how much a parade. "You need save it for sexual
harassment settlements. Come on." But the reason…
the reason a lot of people are against this parade
is not just because of the waste of time and money. It's because, France aside,
military parades have come to be associated
with authoritarian regimes, like North Korea, the Soviet Union and China. And, now, look,
a military parade on its own the doesn't mean that Trump
is gonna be a dictator, but it's when
you look at everything else that your Spidey-Sense
starts to tingle. You know? Yeah, like
firing the FBI director who was investigating
his campaign. Discrediting the electoral
process by claiming voter fraud. And he just this week "joked" that not clapping for him
is treason. Yeah. I mean, he even gave top government jobs
to his own kids. All right? And, I mean, sure,
those are his smartest kids, but who's their competition,
you know? And let's be honest– none
of this took us by surprise. The whole time Trump
was running for president, he couldn't stop talking
about how much he admired strongmen around the world. Saddam Hussein.
You know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. I think I'd get very… along
very well with Vladimir Putin. REPORTER: On the phone
with Philippines president Rodrigo Duterte,
president Trump says, "I just wanted to congratulate
you because I am hearing of the unbelievable job
on the drug problem." REPORTER 2: What do you make
of the North Korean leader? Obviously, he's
a pretty smart cookie. Well, that's one way
to describe Kim Jong-un: "smart cookie." Trump is so thirsty. Like, yeah,
I wouldn't be shocked if he's on all these
dictators' Instagrams, just commenting on every pic–
"Great photo, follow back. "Nice abs, like for like. Come on.
Sexy missile, follow back." So, in the world
of authoritarians, many people are now asking
where does Trump fit in? I mean, I know
he aspires to them, but does he measure up? Well, it just so happens
that over the weekend, they held
the 51st annual Oppressy Awards, where the world's
greatest dictators are honored for their work. Now, you've probably never heard
of these awards because we made them up,
but still, I was asked to host them. And that's not a gig
that you can turn down. You literally cannot
turn it down. They kidnapped me and threw me
in a trunk. But here are some
of the highlights. ANNOUNCER:
The 51st annual awards for achievement in the
autocratic arts, the Oppressys. The president of the Philippines
is here, everybody. Rodrigo Duterte, everybody.
Yeah, of course. He's famous
for killing drug users, which I guess,
is why he's not invited to Seth Rogen's after-party. -Am I right, Seth?
-(applause, laughter) If Trump takes home
an award tonight, it will be the first thing he's
ever won without Putin's help. The nominees for best oppression
of political opponents are: President Nicolás Maduro,
Venezuela, for using midnight raids to
jail his political adversaries. Prime Minister Hun Sen,
Cambodia, for dissolving his country's
main opposition party. President Donald Trump,
the United States, for demanding an investigation
of a political opponent. MINHAJ: And the Oppressy goes
to: Nicolás Maduro. LYDIC: Best performance by a
dictator in a propaganda video: Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow,
state run media. Donald Trump, sword dance. (dancers vocalizing) Rodrigo Duterte
sings "Ikaw." (singing in foreign language) And the winner is
Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. The nominees for excellence in
delegitimizing the media are: Bashar al-Assad, Syria. We're living in a fake news era,
as you know. LYDIC:
Nicolás Maduro, Venezuela. (speaking Spanish) LYDIC: Donald Trump,
the United States. Just because the attack
of fake news and attacking our network, I just want to ask you, sir… I'm changing it from
"fake news,” though. -Does-doesn't that undermine…
-Very fake news. -I know, but aren't you…
-(laughter) LYDIC: And the Oppressy goes to
Donald Trump. ("Hail to the Chief" plays) I call it, you know,
"fake news." The level of dishonesty,
where they'll take a story that should be good–
I know good from bad– In fact, sometimes I'll say,
oh, this is gonna be nice to read– I'll say, whoa. And they will purposely totally
change it. It's fake news. (applause) (cheering and applause) Well, I guess Trump isn't quite
there yet. But good news,
there's always next year.

39 Comments

  • Reply Marisa Boyance July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    México has military paredes twice a year and we do not interfere in any wars

  • Reply Sherry Bullock July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    This Is A Problem: Donald Trump Loves Dictators, Slams Democracy, Free Press, FBI, CIA, & US War Heroes  May 26th, 2019 by Zachary Shahan

  • Reply Alal Esc July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    WE KNOW THE US HAS THE ATOMIC BOMB!!?? WHY PARADE?

  • Reply Melissa Wilkins July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    How awesome would Trevor be hosting an award show! I would love to see that!!

  • Reply Mosin1929 July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Trevor, you're an azzhole! Offended? Great!

  • Reply P. Lance Aguilar July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    I don't think you can really say 'France aside' like that lol

  • Reply Narf Vader July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Watch this to see where America is right now..
    https://youtu.be/83mtXbwPNkc

  • Reply lanz ortiz July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    oh typical ignorance from western media.. believing all lies from the corrupt media. how is our president a dictator? he was elected as president by our people. coming from the smallest party with the smallest political spending. yet he won by landslide and the biggest win margin for Philippine presidential election ever. highest trust and support rating at 84% among all previous president. btw he don't kill drug users. if that's true then millions is died by now. he is just a strick man, very much against crime and expect people to follow the law. people elected him because we are tired of fake and pretending to be good politicians that actually do nothing. criminals are everywhere and we wanted him to clean it. so he did.. crime rates now drop at 40%. yes 6,000 criminals is dead, of course a lot would fight back, their criminals. but that ratio is normal because 80,000 were arrested alive.. more 100,000 surrendered. while 800,000 are on rehab centers funded by the government. sure he does have a foul mouth and make offensive comments on women. we know he is not prefect, but he is the best president for us.

  • Reply tsurumiku taro July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Maduro a Dictator Really? so why he didn't arrest Juan Guaido The US backed opposition leader? Maduro he could be a hombre gordo or de mente débil but not a Dictator.

  • Reply Just Human July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Ivanka:  The official whore of the white house that has now been converted into a brothel by the pimps of this administration!

  • Reply Emanuel Mongi July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Why doesn’t everyone realize Trump was doing what V. Putin wanted, to see US military strength. Trump is very anti American and very pro Putin (Russia). The sooner we realize this, the better not just for US but the world as a whole.

  • Reply Erika Hatziyannakis July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Omg! The oppresyes!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • Reply yolanda gonzalez July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    He's a coward and a disguising animal he infected the white house with his lies and corruption. He took veteran money and tax payers money to please his disguising self. I for one can not stand him. Now he saying that those in Congress who speak different language should go back to where they came from. Surprise orange taco face demon they where born here. He call our language disguising he's racial buster" he wants to make a American great not with that attitude when he start talking bad about other people with different culture's. In all my life, I have never seen a president who act like a jackass and he’s the biggest one. He should not be in the white house. I pray in 2020 he lose cause there gonna be chaos.

  • Reply Bile Jama July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    This the best ever

  • Reply mart coesmans July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    trump still regret not fighting in vietnam

  • Reply digital subliminal messages July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    S T O P. RA P E I N G. B a B I E S
    Not just tasdles but maybe sparkly paint / fablous on the field // no it means trump is short on comps ( my fault i actually ran out of funny)

  • Reply hans pijpers July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    trump adores his beloved Kim so much why doesn't he immigrate to north Korea? He could spend the rest of his beautiful life there

  • Reply cygmx July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    …Like the other 43 / 44 Presidents'? Stephan is doing some fine butlering on the Democrat's plantation.

  • Reply Jinaa Yah Bandiya July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👍🏾😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Gaertneringrid July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    You are a legend Trevor
    We miss you terribly here in SA

  • Reply kathy Turner July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Why should the tax payers pay for a parade for a draft dodger. Heel spurs🤣. Don’t piss in my leg and try and tell me it’s raining!

  • Reply Juancarlos Figueroa Solis July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    He will be very disappointed!!!
    I am a veteran
    And I can tell you that the us military cannot march to save their fucking lives.
    It’s quite pathetic.

  • Reply kvdgadj July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    If others country can have a military parade, why can't Trump have bigger parade.

  • Reply Eric Sniper July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    I can't for the world of me understand how active duty military or veterans can support a man who knowingly avoid military service. It was his attack on John McClain that left me cold.

  • Reply Michael Hobbs July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Thirsty is so very Trump.

    Hahahah

    Hehehehe

    Teehee teehee

    Lol

  • Reply Nikki Eagle July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    He doesn't deserve a Military parade he has bone spurs remember!!!

  • Reply Andy Serrano July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    That fucking sword dance though lmfao!

  • Reply Pedro Armando July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    This is gold

  • Reply Sandra Winfrey July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Military uniform with medals is next, he will claim he WON them for winning🧐😏 and being a genius

  • Reply Howard Kerr July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Well, it's a year later, and we had our party/not quite a parade, and all those folks shut up about how it was a bad idea/waste of money. Of course, they were correct, but throwing away money is a specialty of Chump.

  • Reply In Trump We Trust July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    a waste of money , tell me it's a real joke . Donald Trump pay himself this parade with his own money .

  • Reply Bryan M July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Shut your pie hole, commentator. I don’t know how much longer we normal people can put up with these left wing maggots who can’t let go of their hate for one day to celebrate America. Of course, they hate America. I wish the whole lot of them would take the next boat to Venezuela, the socialist state they’re trying to create here. Except Venezuela wouldn’t let them flood in the way that we do.

  • Reply Khmerminn Sota July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    I can't like this for a million times!

  • Reply Khmerminn Sota July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    How about toddler trump wants to throw himself a tantrum(p)!

  • Reply Anthony Gurirab July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Trevor Noah, you as a south african know very well that military parades is a normal thing in your own home country South Africa. Really…..you wanna say your home country south Africa is under a authoritarian leafer?? You are fake

  • Reply ralph rogers July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    Stop complaining, and go out and do something about it

  • Reply Purple Rain July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    And the parade was for dump and not the military.

  • Reply DamnItHead July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    And at the battle of covfefe hill, the space force won a tremendous victory over the Hillarias and locked them all up behind the wall.

  • Reply Magdalis Almodovar July 24, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    It's all about him,he loves using others peoples money trying to impress only the luxury life on American people's money.

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