Articles, Blog

Projection (The Narcissists’ Weapon that Can Be Used Against Them)

September 13, 2019


Oi gente! Eu sou Meredith Miller do Inner Integration e hoje o tema que eu trago pra vocês é “Projeção”, uma arma narcisista que pode ser usada contra eles. Então eu vou falar sobre o que o narcisista está fazendo com a projeção, o que de fato isso revela pra você e como você pode usá-la contra ele ao compreender quais são os reais motivos dele. Em essência, todos os narcisistas se traem. Projeção é o processo por meio do qual eles revelam quem são e o que estão fazendo. Por meio da projeção eles chamam você daquilo que eles são. Eles acusam você de fazer o que eles estão fazendo, ou planejando fazer. Eles despejam os sentimentos desconfortáveis deles em você porque não querem lidar com eles. Eles despejam a vergonha deles em você pra que eles não tenham que lidar com ela. Eles fazem você se sentir culpado por quem eles são, e pelo que eles estão fazendo, porque eles mesmos são incapazes de sentir essa culpa. Então, em essência, projeção é um modo inconsciente de negar a existência de algo que existe dentro de alguém, e atribui-lo a outras pessoas, externalizando isso. Dessa forma, esse algo podem ser características reprováveis, defeitos, pensamentos, emoções, atitudes, sentimentos… É um mecanismo de defesa. Então, qualquer um pode fazer isso. Você pode estar projetando algo em alguém sem sequer se dar conta disso. Eu vou falar sobre uma coisa ao final, vou te dar algumas dicas, existe uma forma muito comum de projeção entre codependentes, pessoas que vivem em função de agradar às demais, empáticos… Mas no caso do narcisista, eles usam essa projeção porque como eles são incapazes de enxergar essas coisas dentro deles mesmos, eles precisam projetá-las em outras pessoas. Porque eles são incapazes de ser responsáveis pelas próprias coisas, eles precisam projetá-las em outras pessoas. Assim, projeção é como uma combinação de mudança do foco e transferência de culpa. Então, eles desviam você e distraem você do que realmente está acontecendo, e eles fazem você assumir a responsabilidade por isso de alguma forma. De forma superficial, isso é o que eles acham que está acontecendo. No entanto, se você aprender a ler o narcisista em vez de levar tudo para o lado pessoal, você vai ver como as projeções deles são valiosas por revelarem quem eles são e o que eles estão fazendo. Eu vou dar a você alguns exemplos simples, você provavelmente vai se identificar com alguns deles e eles vão fazer você pensar sobre outras formas que você tenha visto isso acontecer. Então, exemplos de projeção de narcisistas onde eles acusam você de traição e ficam falando e falando, questionando o que você estava fazendo e com quem você estava, e o que você estava fazendo, focando em você, porque o narcisista está traindo ou planejando trair. O narcisista diz no restaurante: “Onde está a nossa garçonete gorda?” Mas o narcisista está acima do peso. O narcisista te liga e fala: “Você sobe de tal e coisa?” “Eu soube que ela é muito sinistra.” Mas o narcisista é uma figura muito sinistra. Você estabelece um limite e não dá ao narcisista o que ele/ela quer, então o narcisista te chama de egoísta. O narcisista te acusa de mentir, porque ele é um mentiroso patológico. O seu sócio do narcisista te fala: “O que você tem feito nos últimos 6 meses?” Sendo que você construiu o negócio todo nos últimos 6 meses, enquanto o narcisista não fez nada além de surfar na internet, viajar e fingir ser famoso. Então, você percebe como eles só estão externalizando e despejando isso em você ou em quem quer que seja o alvo deles. Tudo aquilo que eles não são capazes de enfrentar ou que não gostam neles mesmos. Eu vou dar algumas dicas sobre como lidar com projeção. A primeira é não vestir a carapuça quando você veste a carapuça você passa a se identificar com a projeção. Eu falei sobre isso naquele vídeo de perguntas e respostas que eu fiz uns meses atrás. Lembre-se: trata-se deles, e não de você, o que quer que eles estejam dizendo. Geralmente vai ser direcionado a você, às vezes vai ser direcionado a outra pessoa, a garçonete, ou outra pessoa. Mas tente não se irritar com isso, tente não esboçar uma reação, tente não se envolver em nenhum tipo de suprimento narcisista. Lembre-se: não internalize a projeção deles se for dirigida a você. Não a internalize, não a assuma como sua. Quando você não leva para o lado pessoal, é quando você enxerga a revelação se manifestando no plano externo. Mas se você levar para o pessoal você não vai enxergar o que eles estão revelando, só vai ficar preso na teia. Em essência é o seu ego que vai ficar preso nela. Então lembre-se de dizer ao seu ego pra ficar de lado. Não leve para o lado pessoal e veja o cenário como um todo, e identifique o que eles estão dizendo a você, o que eles estão revelando a você sobre a motivação deles, os planos, ou o que de fato estão fazendo. Outra dica é não projetar as suas próprias qualidades em ninguém mais. E é isso que os empáticos, codependentes e pessoas que vivem em função de agradar às demais fazem. Nós projetamos nossa empatia, nossa generosidade, honestidade… todas as qualidades que queremos ver no nosso parceiro, ou no nosso chefe, nosso amigo, no nosso parente, quem quer que seja. Mas essas qualidades são nossas. Nós estamos projetando nossa bondade neles. Essas coisas não fazem parte deles, nós só queremos enxergar essas coisas neles, nós queremos acreditar que eles possuem essas qualidades. E finalmente, conheça a si mesmo e seja assertivo em seu senso de identidade, porque se você conhece a si mesmo, quando o narcisista estiver projetando essas coisas em você, e você não vestir a carapuça, você vai ficar tipo: “não, isso não sou eu.” Então você vai ser capaz de rir disso, você vai ser capaz de se desapegar disso e perceber que não isso é pessoal de forma alguma. que definitivamente se trata de projeção. Então seja assertivo no seu senso de identidade. Conheça a si mesmo, saiba quem você é seja assertivo no seu senso de identidade. Seja dono da sua realidade de forma assertiva para que o narcisista não saia impune dessa projeção. Lembre-se: você pode usar isso a seu favor, em situações em que você tenha que lidar com o narcisista, especialmente quando você estiver tentando descobrir qual será a próxima jogada deles ou o que está acontecendo, escute-os! Porque eles sempre se traem. Caso você tenha um comentário a acrescentar, um pequeno cenário em que você tenha um exemplo de projeção pra mostrar, vá em frente e compartilhe porque pode ser muito útil. Talvez alguém esteja refletindo sobre isso: o que era a projeção e o que eles estavam querendo dizer, e essa pessoa lê o seu exemplo e isso pode ser o gatilho pra que ela lembre de alguma memória de algo que tenha acontecido com ela. Pode ser muito útil. Então lembre-se: você pode usar isso contra eles. Você não precisa permitir que isso seja usado como uma arma contra você. Mando um grade abraço pra vocês.

100 Comments

  • Reply Britney Jolie October 22, 2018 at 5:15 am

    True. My mom called me stupid, lazy, and a bottomless pit (I was managing her clinic, up till midnight running her house while studying) and her sisters often would snicker at the silly things she said and did. I never realized till later how I was blamed for her messy house (my room was always neat as a pin, and the rest of the house would be chaos 30 minutes after I spent 3 hours tidying things up). But I was confused with the comments of relatives that seemed to imply I was messing up her perfect house, and only decades later did I realize she was probably spinning that tale to everyone else while taking all my work. Even to my face blatantly blamed me for a bratty tantrum my golden child sister had while I held the family together, and a the state of the art computer I bought by tutoring kids during my holidays apparently has been mentioned to everyone as financed by my brother….. the lies were all behind my back. To my face they took all my hard work (without thanks) but of course to state their lies in front of me would have me correcting it, and they didn't need that test of accountability. I see the relatives were all isolated from me, none ever kept in touch with me, though they do with my siblings and I never understood why. I stopped calling them on the festive occasions as there was a marked snootiness… yet I was the smart one, the pretty one, the hard working one, the one who held the family together while she had tantrums. If I hadn't heard her with my own ears talking to a relative on the phone telling them I was mad (I had come in early from my walk and she didn't hear me ) I would not have believed it was possible. The truth is, that was just the tip of the iceberg; their sabotage would make an extremely far fetched movie plot, people would say that is impossible.

  • Reply Britney Jolie October 22, 2018 at 5:16 am

    George Simon, as you mentioned in a video, has the opinion that they often are just using these as tactics, though it may have started off as avoiding their own painful feelings, it is now just a tactic, I guess, deliberately used.

  • Reply Mario Gonçalves Zito October 27, 2018 at 9:01 pm

    Thank you!

  • Reply Diane Shoemaker October 27, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    Thank you! How to donate?

  • Reply kelly mauricio October 28, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    I’ve had the same job and owned my home for 15 years, maintained most of my friendships ( the healthy ones) am financially responsible and have a high work ethic
    Two of the narcissists that I know.. have been fired, do the bare minimum to get by, rarely help out in their living situations, have lost clients , move constantly, switch friendships , do dishonest things – yet they accuse others of being immature, dishonest, etc. Favorite words used by them… are… “ Grow up” and “ Drama” “ Negative” also pointing out behaviours in others… sometimes correctly mind you)…but not always;
    that they themselves posses
    It blows my mind. I literally check myself: “ Is my jaw dropping? My eyes going wide? Don’t laugh out loud!” I just sit there in stunned silence thinking wtf?
    I am totally gobsmacked that they can’ t see what they are doing

  • Reply Laurie Kinner October 28, 2018 at 7:25 pm

    I found out my narc had been telling everyone how my own husband had no problem with her just because he’s a decent human being and was polite to her a few times. We had decided to go no contact, but we have to see her in social situations sometimes.

  • Reply Michael J. Ryker October 29, 2018 at 12:31 am

    I experience what is from my perspective a very unusual effect connected to narcissists and psychopaths that has completely determined my life for 50 years. .

    My experience is this: People are either repelled and avoid me, knowingly but also unknowingly or if they do connect with me, a very extreme reaction occurs. This severe reaction has occurred to 99.9% of all the people I have connected with over my life, regardless of the nature of the connection.

    Having consciously observed this for some time, it is like something within themselves, about themselves, wakes up in my presence. Of a number of these people that I have known, like many people, they have severe self hate issues from a variety of traumas that has been buried, suppressed and denied, with much pain associated with it. And I come along and it seems to wake this stuff up inside of them, to which they proceed to project, transfer, blame, scapegoat, DARVO and turn into these crazy narcissistic or psychopathic things that just want me annihilated.

    An interesting observation is that I am the only person these people experience this phenomenon with. So something about me is triggering these dormant buried painful traumas and associated negative core beliefs about themselves. Many people have told me they feel 'exposed' in my presence, which is obviously very uncomfortable and upsetting for them, although I have no awareness of 'doing' anything that would cause this in those moments.

    This has occurred with my mother, my entire family, all romantic relationships, friends, workmates, bosses and even many random people I dont even know. I understand the power of negative core beliefs but this must surely be more than that. If this is consequences of negative core beliefs then wow, they have absolute power in creating my reality and transforming everyone into monsters who abuse me. For 50 years now I have never experienced a maintained connection with someone that this phenomenon does not happen to.

    It has and does completely devastate my life and renders me powerless to maintain any semblance of normality, it is just really…weird. The last Clinical Psychologist I was 'reviewed' by had never heard of anything this extreme and of the dozens of therapists and coaches I have worked with in an effort to solve and heal this, has also not had any ideas on what it is or how to approach handling it.

    It would be helpful for me to know if others experience anything this extreme or if it really is some crazy isolated phenomenon associated with something specifically about me.

  • Reply Andreas Leon Landgren October 29, 2018 at 5:41 pm

    I think of people doing this at work its a whole culture.

  • Reply Lorraine Baker October 30, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    This is not meant to be taken as excusing the Narc's projection as if they are the poor helpless victim they like to portray. The ARE NOT able to identify/cope with feelings because they are hardwired from years of reacting in specific ways to specific situations & likely from a VERY young age. It is like their brain circuitry got all messed up somewhere along the line and they do NOT get it!! These guys are sick puppies & to expect them to act "normal" is misplaced because I believe they are incapable of acting normal. Projection is their default when they feel something they do NOT want to feel.

    In order for a person to change a behavior they have to be able to acknowledge there is an issue. That requires humility. A humble person is teachable. They are self reflective. If someone critiques them, it may sting for a time, BUT they will examine the critique rather than automatically deflect. AND if there is something they see the need to change, they will work to do that. Narcissists are the opposite of humble. There is an inordinate pride that they portray, BUT quite often pride can mask very low self esteem. AND YES, these guys were very likely abused in their childhood. Not everyone who is abused as a child becomes a Narc, but obviously some DO!! Thank goodness it wasn't YOU or ME!!

    It seems like a lot of comments here are wanting to point the finger at the Narc & rightly so, but that only keeps us stuck. We empower what we focus on!!! I learned that how I reacted to my Narc neighbor only fed into his sick power trip & that was my part in it. WE don't ask to be victimized by these kind of people, but if we don't know how to recognize & handle them we WILL be. So, that is the best place to begin healing. Is to do the self reflection & pin point what it is about US that attracted this very sick person. Cause there IS something broken in us that the Narc can see from a mile away & will zone in to exploit that so he/she can suck the very life from us if we allow it!!!!! Only WE can allow it!

    A therapist once said to me that someone who is with an alcoholic is AS sick OR sicker than the alcoholic because anyone who is healthy emotionally would NEVER put themselves in the position to be abused by one. So the same applies here. Whether the Narc is intentionally or unintentionally pulling our strings isn't the point, only WE can STOP it cause they will not!! And that is the bottom line. And if we don't discover what it is in us that attracts these types, then we will continue to attract them. That is what this video is about. It is to help all of us affected to arm ourselves by identifying these sick puppies & changing how we operate around them OR better yet, avoiding being around them if that is at all possible.

  • Reply monique 2644 October 31, 2018 at 5:00 pm

    Your Videos have helped me immensely.
    Thank you

  • Reply New Me November 4, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    The narc asked me out to the theatre and as he was a foreigner first time in my country I decided to organise it. The day I was about to book the tickets he announces he goes to the same show with other people from his work. I was shocked and asked why he is going not with me. and he answered: "because these people dont hate me" WTF?… This was the beggining of our luckily short story. For three months he tried on me all his cunning strategies. But I am still alive thanks to my Father in heaven and guys on youtube like you, Meredith❤

  • Reply Rachel Lee November 5, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    Their sick criminals.

  • Reply RingofRae RoR November 7, 2018 at 5:43 am

    nice neck lace…

  • Reply Nelly D. November 9, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    I am really struggling with my projections on my ex. We have a small daughter so I still have to see him and also I have to organize certain things from now to them considering the kid. And he never ever told the truth in the 5 years I have known him. But still I think that I have to give him a chance and try to trust him for the sake of our daughter and I think, maybe I was wrong, maybe he didn't mean it, maybe he's changed, maybe he is trying now for real… I really don't want to have anything to do with him, but as I have to, I keep projecting my goodness on to him and it is soooo painful. Like this it feels like it will never end, but I really don't understand what is my problem with accepting his evil personality

  • Reply Ruth Ruthie November 10, 2018 at 8:00 pm

    I’ve been wasting my time with so many people 😦.

  • Reply Michael Gallemore November 12, 2018 at 9:36 am

    Here is a text of a projection I received from a narcissist!!

    I just don’t know when this fear will stop or go away I feel
    I’m walking that tight rope whenever a situation comes up and the opposite sex is involved – that it will go south and I’ll be accused of all sorts of scandalous happenings

    She would not introduce me to certain male friends. My response was why not??? I never said she was cheating!!! Hence, scandalous happenings!!

  • Reply Nicky K November 14, 2018 at 6:20 am

    He wrote in an email "my intention is not to piss you off" mentioned pissing me off multiple times while personally attacking my character – because i asked for an evaluation in a professional, concise manner. He wrote how I was selfish because he was working 60-70 hour work weeks and I should have thought about whether this was an appropriate time for such a question.

  • Reply SweetE1403 November 14, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    This happened to me, I was being projected on big time and I did the very last thing you said not to do. I projected goodness on the the people even though deep down I knew something was off. In the end I let my ego get out of hand I was so pissed at the situation I had to leave it. If I would have stayed I’m sure those narcissistic spirits would have been uncovered.

  • Reply Berkies Sepulveda November 15, 2018 at 2:41 pm

    How does the narcissist feels when you say I am not going to it personal when you give me the silent treatment and also say you are happy with yourself.

  • Reply Natalia Wein November 16, 2018 at 5:39 am

    The Covert Narcissist I was with told me that I ever met someone better then him, to go for him. This always made me feel awful and sorry for the Narcissist until I realized he was projecting his own wants/needs. Also, anytime he wouldn’t get any attention from certain women – he would criticize them and ask me if I thought they seemed crazy.

  • Reply Atheism Kills November 19, 2018 at 2:51 am

    Where were you in 1996 when I was trapped by a narcissistic, projecting, gas-lighter? I knew nothing about what I was dealing with when I married her. It was a devastating experience for twenty years. It cost me literally everything but my life to escape. These people are devastating.

  • Reply Bridget Marie November 21, 2018 at 7:31 am

    Firstly, thank you Meredith for your life's work and loving, fascinating messages that have helped bring together growing souls to heal and feel supported! 🙂 & Thanks to all for your comments and insights — they have helped me as well. I am still in flux, but really at the point of "grey" rock bottom. At first reflection after listening to this video, I wasn't 100% sure how to decode the types of comments and abuse that came up during the countless exhausting circular conversations, problem-starting, blame-shifting monologues that he tries to pass off as "dialogues" (most often, I am stopped in my calmly, well-articulated and unarmed words by constant interruptions and blame-shifting offense). He doesn't ever try to throw accusations about cheating.. nothing specific I could put my finger on except for the fact that at any time he feels annoyed by me just speaking (telling a story or possibly trying to discuss my feelings involving any interaction that has hurt me or illicited a response or question that he doesn't like), he would shut me down immediately. Saying things like, "Talking's out" — "You're a lot/too much" — "Ugh, there's ALWAYS something with you. Can you just stop?" — "Why do you always have to start a problem?" When in fact, calm, constructive communication and actual active listening and understanding to come together to a place of resolution is my intention & strategy 100% of the time. I think it's entirely possible that he is echoing the types of emotionally negligent phrases he heard as a child. In fact, I know the parents were the ultimate co-dependent-narcotype abusers; he does not share specifics, but has said that "We never, ever discussed feelings." — "Any time I was called to have a talk, I was in trouble/being punished." — "We weren't allowed to have feelings in my house." I am the wounded child in his house… and that is him trying to bestow that same pain onto me? So he doesn't have to deal with any perceived confrontation bc that's what he experienced growing up? — I also just realized, every time these EXHAUSTING conversations occur, the projections came out as him trying to sabotage my several attempts to explain HOW I FEEL & my paradigm by accusing me of being the manipulator! I did well with grey rock and neutralizing the blame-shifting for a while, but long story short — we took a break & restarted a new chapter. It had actually been going great for a bit until this past week so that's why I was beginning to feel safe enough to openly bring up feelings and vulnerably converse after a situation or disagreement. As I get silenced or my points fall on deaf ears, he has begun to say things like — "Nope! You're not going to turn this around on me. I see what you're doing… you're not dumb, you know what you're doing. YOU'RE the reason this is happening. You attacked me…" — Then when I would inevitably break down and cry (which he CANNOT stand more than anything), he would tell me to stop crying bc that's gonna push him further away and ruin my chances. So I would take a few deep breaths to regroup and re-start my sentence in a calm, direct tone. The kicker: after I heeded to his wish, he then used my ability to emotionally stabilize as proof of my "master manipulator" tricks. — "Aww, look at you… it's so crazy how you can just turn it off & on like that with the crying thing!" The unfortunate conclusion being, I was the blank screen that his psyche was projecting the live-stream film of HIS own truth onto. The sadness in this knowledge, my own personal mourning aside, is that his parents did this incredibly haunting dance with him as a child. A once warm-hearted, innocent being w/ great potential turned cold from a baton passed down that he didn't even ask for. Although I know that this is not for me, I will say that I do believe that there is a spectrum of NPD and that not every person's symptoms manifest the same way… he has a heart, but is not able to be in a healthy relationship at this point in life. He has made great leaps and set unprecedented boundaries with his family and I do see his growth from that. I have seen positive change and hope that one day, with the right help and resources, he will be freed from that and learn alternative behaviors — just not on my time anymore. Sending love to all affected by this abuse. <3

  • Reply Sandra Watkins Keough November 23, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    I understand that those who cannot feel or deal with personal issues or shortcomings project onto others but I never understood why. Why not ignore the shortcoming, character flaw, or whatever? Why is there a need to make someone else responsible? There was something about watching this video, and wondering again, that leads me to believe that the reason is existential in nature. Life cannot tolerate a vacuum. It must be filled. If one cannot feel guilt then one must make someone else feel it and so on with other intolerable feelings, points of accountability, etc. I'm not sure understanding why will help others on the receiving end but it helps me make sense of the situation and (I hope) to not take it so personally when I am on the receiving end. Thank you for sharing such valuable information!

  • Reply Julia Burr November 26, 2018 at 2:39 am

    Psychology ready the symptoms wrong: narc don’t have low self esteem. They have to high, to much self love. they love themselves, do things to gratify their self love. Hopefully in the future will be one psychologist that will revolutionize the concept. And the theory of “projection” will vanish.
    I love your videos, their so helpful. Just desagree in the “cause” of the narc behavior

  • Reply Danielle Bailey November 26, 2018 at 2:57 am

    This is true. Tonight, I had just walked in the door and my narc roommate who is rarely ever home started interrogating me about something really trivial. I politely answered the first few questions, but then she followed me into the kitchen when I was trying to get my food. I said, listen give me a minute, I just walked in, I’m hungry and I just wanna eat in peace. (Boundaries ) Sarcastically, She goes, “oh my God, I’m soooo sorry little miss perfect I don’t mean to disturb you! God, you’re so hard to get along with.” I didn’t react or respond, I just got my food and went upstairs. I knew that she was projecting her own feelings onto me and this video definitely helped me to feel a little better about the whole thing!

  • Reply ormorphe November 26, 2018 at 4:27 pm

    You have got to watch Star Trek Next Gen's episode: Man of the People. It's SPOT ON describing narcissism and trying to appear altruistic.

  • Reply Dtella55 November 27, 2018 at 4:04 pm

    So true that I was cheating on him using my phone so at the same time he use that as projection already seeking narcissistic supply to start serial cheating and triangulating…💯😍🔥🔥

  • Reply Alan Bryan November 27, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    ur analysis is 'just what the doctor ordered' thanx hugz

  • Reply Julia Papworth November 27, 2018 at 11:29 pm

    The narcissist accusing others of being attention seeking narcissist 🤣 that was quite amazing!!

  • Reply launchthebishop November 28, 2018 at 9:36 am

    Thank you so much for these videos. I recently had a friend do this to me – when I politely called her out on something she did that upset me, she pulled the pity card and tried to get me to feel sorry for her because she was just so "concerned" about me that she had to do something (i.e. tell lies about me behind my back). When I didn't respond to that tactic, she told me I had no understanding and compassion and said I just wanted to hurt her, that I might as well have had her flogged and set on fire (!???), that I would never have any friends if I treated them all like this &c &c…when I hadn't even said a word to her. It was such a WTF moment.

  • Reply Aaron Gaffney November 29, 2018 at 2:56 am

    I actually did some reverse projection last nite, in order to buy some peace and kind of just mess with her- after listening to a story about her business partner who she has to walk on eggshells around, is emotionally disregulated, etc (it’s pretty funny because she is actual a therapist so she couches every thing in these terms- esp since being called out on her abusive BPD behaviors). Basically accusing this girl of everything I have been witness of and victim of HER doing during our time together. It made my stomach turn but I didn’t comment on it as we have a very tentative peace right now and she only recently started making any eye contact after months of stonewalling. Anyhow this morning I told her what a good person she is and hoped she had a great day, and she looked confused and said she didn’t know what to think? After all the times I told her she was crazy etc. It was pretty funny but in the light of this great video, I can see I DID project all my good qualities into her, and she tried to assume them when she was researching me to be the next supply – and I see I have often done this in other relationships throughout my life. I think my good qualities are really not that exceptional- decency, honesty, looking for the good in people and situations, trying to make the world a better place, owning my shit, and always trying to make spiritual progress daily. I just assumed that was called adulting and pretty much everyone was the same way! Boy has a Cluster B relationship taught me otherwise.

    Anyhow, if we are going to project our good qualities on others, let’s have some fun while we do it!!!

  • Reply Clarissa Martinez December 2, 2018 at 2:31 am

    My ex and I are currently separated. Just this past week I reached out to him about our daughter and her daycare schedule. He then proceeded to tell me " this broken family is all on me …he did everything he could you save our family " it was such an obvious projection o was able to not react to end the conversation

  • Reply K Cla December 2, 2018 at 3:26 pm

    This shit is soo deceptively devilish. I remember when it was used and how it created confusion. Only a monster can use this.

  • Reply 12 legged Sasquatch.. December 3, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    Precisely what i experienced lately.. only i didn't accept it and responded c aslmly I with, "You can point a finger at me but, there are 3 more pointing back at you". Of course she didn't accept that but, i just calmly stood by that and showed that the bs wasn't going to have an effect on me. Then she stopped with it, as she reaslised a limit, or boundary, had been reached that couldn't be passed. Like a rediculous 'shit test' which failed. Opened my eyes a bit though, as to what I'm dealing with. Your projection video is spot on.

  • Reply Spencer Courtis December 4, 2018 at 12:25 pm

    JUST WANT TO SAY (QUOTE) ONE VERY IMPORTANT POINT HERE: (the narcissist, they CAN change)

    JESUS SAID: “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believes and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believes not shall be damned. And these signs shall follow them that believe; IN MY NAME THEY SHALL CAST OUT DEVILS; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover. And they went forth, and preached everywhere, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following." (Mark 16:15 – 20 King James Version of the Bible)
    THEREFORE, in the name of Jesus, there is deliverance and the power to be set free from the foul spirit that both possess and influences the trapped and bound lives of the narcissist …thank God!

  • Reply RMZ 450 December 4, 2018 at 4:11 pm

    Just now at 48 realizing why I've been beating my head against a wall for decades. Always feeling like there was more at play than meets the eye. My mother was covert, my father overt. I haven't talked to my father for years because of this. And my mother was pulling her shit just yesterday when we spoke on the phone.

  • Reply Gordon & Hart December 5, 2018 at 12:25 am

    Thank you!! You have explained why my mother has accused me of terrible things I’ve never done or thought of doing! I couldn’t understand for years… now it makes sense.

  • Reply Atavi December 5, 2018 at 1:44 pm

    All people project, just to varying degrees.

  • Reply Galactic Soul December 5, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Great video. For a long time I became the projection (projective identification). He would tell me I was hard to be with, unappreciative and aggressive- and then I actually became quite angry and began to act out/flip out and try and force him to change his ways; I became aggressive. He would also flip out if I got a text message from a male, all the while he was telling women how rotten of a partner I was (playing victim), how he missed them and how their skin was magnetic. He even invited one to a camping trip and “didn’t know how she ended up there”. This woman drove 5 hours alone to this camping trip. My ex was a master manipulator. Thank god I’m out.

  • Reply JESSE NICHOLAS December 7, 2018 at 11:12 am

    This is HUGE… My narcwife grand finaled me 2 years ago… Out on the street with nothing.. well, I made a comeback and she knew so began the Hoover a year ago. big deal apology and all the promises and false Future Good Times to look forward to and just on and off ghosting and I'm writing to her all the time telling her how much I care about herl… I know it's crazy of me but I can't seem to resist. She's been out of contact for 3 weeks til yesterday. I've been trying to call and I write cuz I love her, she ignores me completely and has other games to play. I don't know why but last night I started getting notifications from all the blocked accounts and I was scared to open them and look at the messages. But I had to… I needed it. I open the first message and it said, "What's up, slut?"

  • Reply wendell ignatin December 7, 2018 at 3:56 pm

    i love you meredith.

  • Reply G G December 15, 2018 at 12:29 am

    Trump and the GOP playbook. Gaslighting Obstruct And PROJECTION !

  • Reply then again December 16, 2018 at 9:32 pm

    My level of shame made me accept negative projections on an emotional level even while knowing they had no factual merit but parasites find those vulnerabilities so the cycle went on.

  • Reply sillilil1 December 17, 2018 at 4:35 am

    It's very frustrating to fully wrap my head around the entire scenario that the narcissist in my life created. So complicated, it once seemed brilliant. But my tortured mind now has a deeper understanding of how maniacal pervasive, evil and unchangeable the truth really is.

    Only in this circumstance is it completely appropriate to remove, no rescue (yes, you were held there against your will) yourself from the narcassist. Expose yourself to kindness, love and learn self care. Learn who you are. Do not imagine resolve. Use that energy to live a happy existance. You have the rest of your life.

  • Reply Jovial Faltisco December 27, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    But they say u r projecting before u figure out they r the one that had projected.

  • Reply Sandy Gonzalez December 31, 2018 at 2:00 am

    This is a great deflection! Believing that projection has nothing to do with ourselves has to be the biggest cop out ! If we create our own reality how is it we are projected onto by others? We are a match to their projections for a reason! It’s important to really self analyze what we have in ourselves that makes us a match to their projection. They see something in us that they reject in themselves or they see something in us that we reject in ourselves! I am a testament to this being factual and it absolutely blew my mind…I had a coworker who was a perfectionist and would try to constantly make me do what she wanted and I realized I was a match to her projection because I use to be a perfectionist and now I have swung the Pendulum the opposite so she wants to make me into what she considers perfect too. She feels out of control in her life therefore try to micromanage me because she can’t control her own life and she feels like she can never be the perfect way she wants to be. I didn’t even realize I was that easy going until I realized she was projecting onto me because she rejects the easy going part of herself and therefore rejects that easy going aspect of me! Watch Teal Swans video on projection truly truly eye opening. Everyone projects not just narcissists because it has to do with parts out ourselves that we have disowned and we project this disowning onto others as well.

  • Reply Steph S January 2, 2019 at 8:47 pm

    LOL. My ex-narc was a projection-aholic. He would constantly ask me if I was cheating on him and demand I show him my phone so he could go through my messages. Meanwhile, he was using me (and several other women) to cheat on his baby mama. Hmm he also accused me of "using" him even though he financially used me. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on him in just a few months. He would also get mad if I lied to him (I'd occasionally lie about being busy so I wouldn't have to see him) but he lied compulsively! He'd even lie about stuff he didn have to lie about! Like he'd lie about how often he used my Sling account. I can track who logs in and watches on my account and when they log in. If I gave him my log in info, it's assumed I want him to enjoy it at will. Why the need to lie and act like he hardly ever used it when he was using it EVERY DAY?? BRUH!!! He was so ridiculous.

  • Reply Fiona Andrews January 4, 2019 at 10:21 am

    Thanks for your advice lots of good information I have dealt with a lot of narcissists it has taken a lot of time to let go but hopefully people out there are brave enough to help themselves get out of any threatening situation and not feel bad

  • Reply Fiona Andrews January 4, 2019 at 10:23 am

    Keep up the good work love your videos ❤️👍

  • Reply Rama Sax January 4, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    thanks you so much. Am learning a lot watching you.

  • Reply Wild Alchemical Spirits January 9, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    Interestingly, the narcissist in my life actually told me that I "project good qualities onto other people" because I am "so desperate to see people as good". He regularly projects his issues onto me, too. He's a psych major. It's been especially confusing for me because he is very aware of his own psychology and uses it to his advantage. At first it was so hard, but now that I know what's going on, I am secretly using the situation to my own advantage. To learn. It's a front row seat into his mind. He's become a great teacher without even knowing it.

  • Reply Etelka Farkas January 23, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    I deliberately click on the ads this is so good

  • Reply paulasdf January 28, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    the last episode of steven universe (with white diamond) has a scene that's a perfect example of this (that show is great in general in terms of emotional intelligence)

  • Reply Cassie Harrison January 29, 2019 at 8:16 am

    Wow. Makes a lot of sense to what I couldn't.

  • Reply 88lilalola February 6, 2019 at 7:42 pm

    I was always told I was too emotional – funny how everybody around us described her as too emotional and overly dramatic. One time was peculiarly horrible: she and her partner were on holiday and she consistently asked me what was going on at work, I did not answer. So after 2 days of her consistently checking me for work updates that I did not tell her anything about she must have checked her f***Ing Mails herself and saw the "drama" then accused me what a terrible friend I was as I did not tell her anything. When I picked up the two at the airport – lord behold – her partner has the gut to asks me why I told his girlfriend the horrible news from work that I had ruined their whole trip… I was sooooo shocked I could not even answer… Why did it take me so long to realize that my so called best friend was such a dark person… Finally over her and no contact after almost 8 years (fake) friendship. Nothing real about a narcissistic relationship in any way or Form…

  • Reply InnaAllStar February 8, 2019 at 3:55 am

    5 years with a narcissist and every single flashback ties to this ! Wish I knew before, I actually thought I was crazy…

  • Reply Aaron Zamarron February 8, 2019 at 11:52 pm

    After watching a few of your videos, I am now beginning to see that I have some narcissistic behaviors I need to stop doing.

  • Reply Morgan O'Connor February 13, 2019 at 6:23 am

    My narc had serious issues with money and spending. Whenever I spent or bought something in front of the narc, the narc would make a comment on how gluttonous I was or superficial or how I care too much about money and objects. She was always manipulating me into buying her things and was…no surprise constantly broke. This was one really obvious sign that I am both incredibly horrified by but thankful for because it led me to meridith and no contact. I was then able to identify all the emotional abuse….

  • Reply gringo loco February 20, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    Meredith, I like your direct and pragmatic approach. I called out my ex girlfriend who's a covert narcissist. After we split, she said she was going to be alone and used to it (playing the victim). The next day I saw her with her new supply. I called her out on her lying with just one sentence. She said, "What's wrong with you! Leave me alone!" A month later she started hoovering.

  • Reply Kyra Monteith February 22, 2019 at 7:35 am

    My ex always accused me of cheating and lying, when I found out he was cheating it shocked me I always thought he would never do that to me since he “hated” these behaviors so much. Knowing what I know now it was sick how he blamed me for his insecurities.

  • Reply Andrew F February 25, 2019 at 5:42 am

    This is great information but how do I use that in court?

  • Reply revanbh February 26, 2019 at 10:45 pm

    Very useful video. Thank you for posting. I have a scenario in my relationship with a friend. Full disclosure, I am codependent so I people please a lot, especially her. If I ever challenge her on something that is when everything I did that was supportive of her is thrown in my face as manipulation. I will be called selfish for thinking of my own needs too. I realize all of this is to shut me down and reassert her control over me.

    Any discussion is immediately followed by this pattern of emotional abuse and blackmail. Silent treatment comes after this too.

    I used to internalize these things and it made me feel so miserable, until I realized that it wasn't me that was like this. I was just trying to be supportive friend. Own your truth. Projection and gaslighting are the most insidious forms of abuse.

  • Reply Paul Waldron March 1, 2019 at 1:53 am

    Good talk
    Im starting to become aware that My current girlfriend is quite narcissistic. A projection she uses is she'll do something like this evening my daughter was ill so I went to my girlfriend's to ask if she had some pain relief. She was totally disinterested, very short and held me at the front door. 3 hours later, at midnight, after saying she was " so tired I can't keep my eyes open" she messaged me and told me I was " weird at the door " .this is her goto name for whenever she does something rude or disrespectful, like changing plans at the last minute without a reason. Some time later she accuses me of being weird. We've been together 8 months, so the behaviour is becoming more obvious. And before I'm told I should leave her, that process is in hand but it has to be done carefully.

  • Reply Carrie Sullivan March 6, 2019 at 3:45 pm

    I took everything he said was wrong with me to heart. He ghosted me and in those 3 months, I went through intense therapy and searching. Unfortunately not about narcissistic abuse, but about healthy relationship and where my problems stemmed from. When he decided to come back into my life and it wasn't so easy to control me anymore, he started using words I was giving HIM, on ME. Projection was one of those words. I was looking at projection of my fears that I was giving to him. I tried explaining the work I was doing on myself… Making sure I wasn't projecting my insecurities onto him. He later used this word on me when I told him i thought he had narsicistic personality traits. I listened intently to everything he said i did wrong and I agreed with a lot of it. Came up with strategic plans and changes if communication patterns to combat my deficiencies. He refused to participate and in return for the information on what I felt he was doing to me, he told me I was projecting narcissism onto him. For a few weeks, I steadily took narcissistic quizzes and tried to delve into the idea… am I the narcissist? The answer was NO. It was him, trying yet again, to make me submissive and to hate myself. He succeeded in doing that to me for 3 years. That time is over now. I survived him. Although I still am in the initial stages of trauma bonding, I can see where he has actually driven me crazy. Literally. He used to say, "all the women I leave, go absolutely crazy." And I used to think… wow, I'm someone special that HE chose ME… and those other women are NUTS. Now I know when a man says that, believe him. He is a monster.

  • Reply S A D B O Y March 9, 2019 at 3:21 am

    My narc ex girlfriend would always accuse me of cheating or talking to other women when I was 100% loyal/faithful. No matter how much I would try to prove my love and devotion to her, I was the one always cheating. She would get on one of these accusation tirades and ask for a break or space to "figure out" if she still wanted to be with me. At the end, I started watching relationship videos and came across videos detailing narcissism. The points made on the videos were like a playbook for everything I'd be subjected to in the relationship. I called her out on being a narcissist and cheating on me which shamed her. She immediately broke up with me and has been NC since then. So all the times she was accusing me of cheating, she was just projecting to me what she was doing. What was sad was that I loved her with all my heart and never felt that unconditional love to any past partner before her. In our honeymoon phase, she swept me off my feet and love bombed the crap out of me. It was literally a fairytale. It also hurts that all the future faking and the time she thought she was pregnant but found out later she wasn't. We even picked out names. I'll never forget choosing "Destiny Elaine". One night she started a fight for no reason and told me to leave since I was at her house. She texted me when I drove off saying, "I took a test and I'm not pregnant. Thank God I'm not having your kid." I'm not going to lie, I cried like a baby. It hit me in my core. How could I love somebody that malice? It's been 5 weeks since the break up and overall I can't get over her and still love the mirror illusion she was. I know it's stupid but I'll leave it on that note.

  • Reply Conscious Living Nomad March 15, 2019 at 6:08 am

    Thank you for sharing… Now, I feel like I finally understand the concept of projection. ❤🙏

  • Reply Abatha Calton March 20, 2019 at 10:18 pm

    The truth of this sent shivers thru my body and almost made me cry. Big release there. Thank you <3

  • Reply Ruth Jones March 24, 2019 at 8:00 am

    I experienced a series of projections onto me by text from a friendly acquaintance whom I met on a writing course. I was aware that during the course she was pushing my personal boundaries and trying to get me to talk about deeply personal stuff from my past. She wouldn’t stop asking even though I went like a stuck record saying “I don’t want to talk about my past.” She then escalated this by saying that I might need psychological help because she thought I was stuck. I said I didn’t agree and just repeated that I’d asked her not to keep asking me.

    She stuck to me like a parasite and I couldn’t wait to get away from her, but we had a gap in the course where it was expected that course members would meet up to discuss the coursework that had been set for us. I knew from experience of her by now that the course and the writing was just a hook to draw some unsuspecting empath in. I’m a retired mental health nurse and the daughter of a narcissist mother, I can spot the narcissist from a mile off.

    So here’s how I set up the parting before the last part of the course resumed. I knew that I would need to minimise my contact with her (we had been paired together by the tutor). There was a 5 week gap in which we needed to do some writing, on our own, and then meet up to discuss and share our work before returning to the course. So I told this woman that I would not be available to meet up or discuss any writing because I had other studies I was attending to and I also had piano exams during the following 4 weeks, and that I’d contact her during the 5th week to arrange to meet up and go through what we had both written.

    I went home and noticed that she kept sending me texts saying only hi 👋. I didn’t respond so she started sending messages saying “I’m missing you 😘 “. I didn’t respond.

    Then she sent this message saying “I don’t know when your piano exam is. I’m feeling really like shit. I have had bad week. My moods have gone down, you know what I mean, the moods I told you about when we were on the course, any way I’m feeling really depressed and I’m worried and anxious all the time. I’m worried I can’t keep myself safe? How are you?”

    OK – so now I can see what I’m dealing with. I’d made the mistake of telling this woman that I am a retired mental health nurse. She took that to mean that I was available to her for free therapy. Most people misunderstand my former profession – I am a nurse who worked in mental health and yes I’m a good listener and an empath – BUT I AM NOT A TRAINED THERAPIST and I most certainly was not on a writing course as a therapist.

    But she had also told me previously that she was seeing a psychotherapist and this enabled me to set a healthy boundary with her even though the stuff she was disclosing to me would scare the pants off most people.

    The first thing to notice is that she ignored my boundary around my time availability.

    The second thing to notice is that she is using a half hearted attempt to sound interested in my piano exams.

    The third thing to notice is that we don’t really know one another, and yet she is disclosing deeply personal problems to a virtual stranger. Always a red flag 🚩 for me. What was acceptable in a mental health setting is not acceptable in my private life.

    I had to respond to this because she was hinting at a possible risk of harm to herself, and I couldn’t ignore this.

    So I responded like this – this was a long, well thought through text response that said, “I’m sorry I didn’t respond immediately but I had to think carefully about how I was going to respond. Your message confused me and gave me cause for concern about how you are feeling right now. I’m not sure what you were getting at about the piano thing but I don’t think that’s what you really wanted to focus on. I’m sorry to hear you’re mood has fallen, it’s good that you have noticed this, and I am glad that you are seeing your therapist. It is important to tell your therapist about the concern you have about feeling you might not be able to keep yourself safe. Please can I ask that you don’t send messages like this to me. You see, I’m not your therapist, I am just someone that you met on a writing course, and though I can see from what you are telling me that you are struggling, I cannot be there for you in the way that I think you want me to be. I hope that you understand what I’m saying here.

    She reacted angrily as I expected she would. There were three messages she deleted so I don’t know what she said in those messages, probably she was furious with me. But the text she did send a day or two later, whilst not overtly angry, was very revealing. She said, “all my texts were just about wanting to wish you the best of luck in your piano exams (I didn’t see those words anywhere in her text messages), I can’t believe you used the word therapist, that was so rude. I am feeling so down and almost suicidal and you respond like this! I think you’re heartless.”

    I responded with a very clear message, “though I’ve retired from mental health I need to you to understand how I will respond to any claim from anyone who tells me they are feeling suicidal – if you, or anyone else ever tells me that you are suicidal, I will call the Police telling them my concerns about your mental state, and I will ask them to undertake an emergency welfare check on you – this is not a idle threat, if you tell me things like this I WILL respond by calling the Police.”

    In the the U.K. the Police have certain legal powers whereby they can use the mental health act to detain someone to a place of safety if they believe a person is at risk of harm to either themselves or other people. It’s called Section 136 of the U.K. Mental Health Act.

    She responded by saying that I was overreacting and she didn’t mean this suicidal stuff and ended the text with a cheery looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks time to discuss our writing.

    Needless to say my boundaries were well and truly up when we did meet up. We finished the course. And she asked if we could keep in touch. I politely declined.

  • Reply Maria Swaid March 25, 2019 at 2:42 pm

    can the narcissist keep accusing of lying not because they r projecting but because they grew up with a parent who accused them of lying all the time as well!!

  • Reply Caro Ksea March 30, 2019 at 10:54 am

    Very eye opening and explained perfectly. My abusive mother constantly called me (to myself and others) "a difficult child", crazy and that I should be locked up in a mental institution. Now at almost 40, I finally learn that was projection. Also, she would tell me so and so beats their kid how can they do such a thing meanwhile she did the same thing to me for years. It's a relief to finally understand what happened. I went no-contact over a year ago and working towards recovery. Very grateful for your videos. Thanks 💓💓💓

  • Reply neworleans 1990 April 1, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    The problem is no one ever told them they are wrong now your caught in their line of delusions

  • Reply Phoenix April 5, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    I was told I was cheating, was bad at math, had multiple mental illnesses and that my friends and I had personality disorders- while his girilfriend who is actually diagnosed with one he claims does not, told that I wanted to go on expensive holidays, was never satisfied with him, had deep inner darkness, and brain damage.

    After years I now see that he told me I was depressed when he was suicidal.
    I was so confused when he said I wasn't satisfied because I grew up in poverty and do a happy dance every time I get groceries that I could afford yoghurt that wasn't on sale, while still only buying the ones on sale.
    I've won academic awards for math.
    I had a neurologist say the symptoms I was experiencing were due to stress from a toxic environment.
    I'm a naturally silly and joyful person and it has been so nice to laugh again.
    I am still struggling not to project warmth and compassion onto him.

  • Reply John Hounslow-Robinson April 6, 2019 at 3:20 am

    So true.

  • Reply deric smith April 6, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    A therapist told me I wasn't a narcissist but I know better. I have a problem with running scenarios in my mind frequently-where someone, often an old lady mother type is telling me to correct my behavior to the tiniest detail. Like " Watch it now! you need to get that wire in its proper place. Oops that's not quite straight" this is where I want to tell the woman to shut up because I already know what I'm doing. I'm thinking this is related to projection where in my imagination I'm projecting my own insecurities, overly critical impatient, unforgiving attitudes, demands onto an imaginary person. A way to relieve stress maybe? This has always been a puzzle to me but this video helps answer the question. Lesson: fear of my own inadequacy is driving this. Accept that everyone and myself has faults. I should not expect anyone to be perfect. Try becoming a nicer more tolerant person.

  • Reply Dolf Dervish April 7, 2019 at 7:47 am

    Thank You for this.
    I've been called a narcissist by someone for almost 15 years.
    It's pretty much driven me next to crazy.

  • Reply kasia nowak April 7, 2019 at 5:45 pm

    All she says is true. My ex was like that.

  • Reply Kris D April 8, 2019 at 3:41 am

    I don’t know if I’m dealing with a narc but this is giving me questions about the accusations I get regularly. I’m told I cheat, am sneaky and can’t be trusted. When I provide screenshots of proof that everything is untrue- there’s never an apology and I am told I will be shown proof- that’s not happened yet and I been told that for years. I need to stop taking the accusations personal and see if there’s a reveal.

  • Reply inphanta April 14, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    One of my narcissistic ex's favourite accusations was "You don't push for things", essentially she was accusing me of being unmotivated and lazy, not making things happen in the relationship. It was especially hurtful to me as nothing could be further from the truth, and her saying that showed how little she valued what I was doing and what I brought to the table. However, on reflection, it said more about her than me:

    1. In our time together, I'd learned to drive and bought a car whilst she put no effort into doing the same (she'd use me as her personal, free Uber instead).

    2. We were long distance for a while, so to make things easier for us both, I changed jobs so I could be closer to her/more flexible whereas she did nothing on her end. When we eventually got a place together, it was the first time she'd moved since we'd been together.

    3. She started courses to gain extra qualifications for work, but would ALWAYS end up abandoning them half way through or putting so little effort in that she'd inevitably fail (and this after leaning heavily on me to help her with stuff because she "wasn't good with computers").

    So yes, I learned she was projecting her lack of motivation and drive onto me. She would also unbelt this charge whenever she couldn't get me to do something she wanted me to do so that was a thing too.

  • Reply Robert K April 14, 2019 at 11:29 pm

    Learning about projection was huge for me. The family narc stopped answering my emails and of course I eventually stopped sending them.
    Guess what I got accused of?!! I was utterly baffled. Then I learned about projection. The gig is up narc!

  • Reply Celina G. April 16, 2019 at 4:19 am

    My favorite in hindsight was how my abuser accused me of "playing games". I've been away from them since 2017 and I've been in a relationship for over a year and haven't been accused of that once.😏

  • Reply Uziyah D Irizarry April 22, 2019 at 3:07 pm

    These are great
    Thank you,.

  • Reply sirjustis April 23, 2019 at 1:34 pm

    Mine used to say to me “your insecurities are what’s getting in the way of our relationship!..” “you need to see a counselor so you can get a grip on things.”.. “I see that you still have a lot of hurt, anger and resentments still in your heart toward me.” “You think you are this perfect person, who never does anything wrong!”.. “you live in a bubble! That’s not reality!”…

  • Reply C Kobesko May 11, 2019 at 11:44 am

    So well put! We all can be so easily fooled by these toddlers

  • Reply Barb Reynolds May 11, 2019 at 7:56 pm

    Have a classic narcissist for a sister, which was fine, until she moved into my small local town after living out of the country for 40 years.. I recognise her tactics well enough and it's even quite comical when she puts it in writing after an encounter and blames me for her behaviour and projects her "sad and angry childhood memories" onto me, after she has just railed about how abused we were!! (Not) .. BUT, I get all that.. the question is HOW to Deflect and overcome her bad behaviour when she makes me out to be the snobby bitch in public encounters.
    I have started calling a "halt" to her walking all over me but she will always turn the tables on me and make me out to be the bad party and will continue to undermine my reputation that I have established in this town for 30 years.
    Of course she is dynamic and always tries to impress people with her boisterous unbridled energy, whereas I am the one who goes about my business quietly. HOW do I STOP her. I try to ignore her as she has me practically for her whole adult life, and yet she is the one who now approaches me in a public situation and barges into and takes over a conversation I am having with someone she has "just met" — as if they were long lost friends. Then if I stand my ground she talks about me as if I wasn't even there when I try to say "Good Morning" three times to have her tell the other party I am "not very welcoming"! So if I walk away, "she wins", if I stand my ground and call her out for her rudeness in interrupting and pretending she doesn't know me, "she wins". I have all the examples I need, what I need now is the HOW TO RESPOND without feeding into their game.

  • Reply Modern Machiavelli May 26, 2019 at 3:22 am

    Those with personality disorders should be killed so children can be safe.

  • Reply The Readers Corner May 27, 2019 at 1:55 am

    Projection = Donald Trump

  • Reply Wandering Free May 31, 2019 at 6:17 pm

    Yes! Do not project your good qualities on them. Do not give people positive characteristics they dont posses.

  • Reply Elizabeth June 3, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Great point not to project our own good qualities onto the narcissist! I still do this and appreciate your words of caution. So helpful–thanks.

  • Reply Daisy Taylor June 24, 2019 at 10:19 pm

    You are an angel…I did not understand why he accused me of playing mind games with him and being arrogant and miserable while I am children book illustrator and writer for happy stories…and I was what the hell he was talking about? Because of you dear I have finished almost a full year on no contact and I am on my way to fully healed. No body did understand the pain just Allah(God) and HE sent you angel to save all of these people that are hurting and their lives never the same. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Allah(God ) protect you and give you more knowledge and power to help.

  • Reply M Brontë June 25, 2019 at 2:35 am

    very good, but it's messed up! not only have I dated one but I work with them.

  • Reply Mariatiffy June 26, 2019 at 2:46 am

    Tips
    3:56 Don’t identity with it (don’t internalize/don’t take it personally)
    5:00 Don’t project your good qualities at anyone else
    5:30 Know yourself (Be assertive of your sense of self)

  • Reply J Hixon June 28, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    My older sibling, who is a malignant narcissistic, tried to convince me that I was a sociopath! Hmmm….I see now that she was projecting her sociopathy onto me.

  • Reply Valiant Lee July 1, 2019 at 10:21 am

    Thank you so much for your videos #innerintegration! Could I ask you please to approve translated subtitles for this video so they became available? I've a friend who is a victim of narcissist abuse and I wanted to show him this video. Sadly his english is not good enough so I translated subs for him. And thank you again for your channel! the things you describe, to hear them it was eyeopening

  • Reply Bri Zenith July 10, 2019 at 3:37 am

    My mother would accuse me of sleeping with my father, which is a lie.I never understood why she did it. Later on (through a family member) I found out it was incest in my family and she was using projection because that’s what she did.

  • Reply Sheeple saysWhat July 12, 2019 at 4:16 am

    I've been called everything while being Stalked & Harassed! Great video thank you❤

  • Reply Mark Cooper August 18, 2019 at 2:37 am

    Double M you should play baseball. You hit another one out of the park. Thank you again for your quality content🙋‍♂️

  • Reply Lara Fox August 21, 2019 at 2:56 pm

    Whenever I tell my mother anything (at all), she kind of sighs – either audibly or silent, especially if it is really good news. But it doesn’t really matter, she does not like me speaking about anything but her, otgerwise those sighs come out, just as if I had actually told her something very terrible, very sad, basically just for opening my mouth. If she would actually comment, it would be something covertly negative, like ”I hope this works out for you,……..😥🥵”, in a kind of tone that would imply that nothing ever works out for me, ever. So obviously, I stopped telling my mother anything about my life many years ago, restricting conversation to just a few occasions per year and maintaining distance in all things, and in any conversation limiting it to the topics she accepts: the food on the table (that she would have cooked; because she would never visit me nor would I want her to do that), anything about her schedule, or her garden. After listening for about a year to you Meredith, I realized she sounds like a covert narcissist. It explains so much of the weird emotional climate she projects, well everything really. Nobody can talk or be successful or happy about anything except her, or she shuts the conversation down, changing the subject immediately back to herself. I am finding this information so helpful, and have been able to identify more of these toxic people in nearby places, slowly getting them all out of my life. I invented a Mirroring tactic that seems to work really well; I just mirror whatever statement + emotion she is trying to plaster on me straight back. So when she said goodbye recently, she leaned into my ear and whispered ”Just so that you know, I am soo worried about you……”, ending it with one of those long sighs. Almost as a reflex, the reply came, ”I am soo worried about you too!!”, then we ”hugged”, and I left. It felt like that comment neutralized whatever emotional poison was meant for me and instead it just went straight back. As she is always playing the victim card, as a way to create guilt in everyone around, who can never be suffering as much as her, I realized I can just match her worry-words, and then somehow that ball she’s throwing has nowhere to go but back home. I used it on my narc boyfriend too, and it worked fantstically because he actually broke up with me, which is what I wanted because he had told me that he would completely ruin my carreer and my life if I ever would try to leave him. I knew if he would break up with me I would only have to be pretend to be heartbroken for a while, while secretly celebrating. Then when he would try to hoover me back I would just pretend not to ”get it”, while continuing to move away at top speed and without leaving any traces as to my new whereabouts. That way he would just let me go, peacefully, and it is exactly what happened. The Mirror technique is: Whatever they give is given back in equal measure, then move discreetly away, while staying safe and hidden in a new ”location” that is my new favourite tactic with narcissists, apart from the Grey Rock which is the 101 essential.

  • Reply Alicia Page August 22, 2019 at 10:26 am

    Pay attention, because they're not.

  • Reply Alicia Page August 22, 2019 at 10:26 am

    They don't want to take blame for their role in the dying planet, literally.

  • Reply esmee a August 27, 2019 at 2:30 pm

    What someone often did that I knew was project things that he did or was guilty of onto others. And then tell me this. "She is always negative" ect. Sometimes he projected on me and sometimes on others. Does anybody have experience with this? Is this something narcissists do?

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