This flyby by the Philippine Air Force is the most patriotic and nice thing I have ever seen! Holy cow This place accommodates people in wheelchairs very well Initiate chonk defense Who else caught this? youtube recommendations are getting out of hand Never thought it to be that simple. Florida’s version of porn She’s Hilarious 😂
QUEEN OF SASS: The following is a non profit fan based parody. Fate/Stay Night UBW is the property of Kinoko Nasu and these other people. Please support the official release… or else? [Ominous…] [Previously on Murder/Death/Kill] [Alarm Beeping] SHIROU: Today’s the day… …Today’s the day! BAEBER: Today’s the day? SHIROU: TODAY’S THE DAY! TIGER MOM: Today’s the day! SHIROU: Tokusetsu… Rick… E-MANIAC: TODAY IS THE DAY! TOKUSETSU: Oh, hey, but what is today though? SHIROU: Today… …is the day I finally tell off Rin. TOKUSETSU: (whisper) Alright buddy, there she is. SHIROU: Look at her standing there. Completely oblivious to all the TELLING that’s about to go off. TOKUSETSU: Now, I don’t know what she did to you, but are you just gonna sit there and take it? SHIROU: Heck no, I’m not. TOKUSETSU: Are you gonna get out there, and show her what’s what? SHIROU: Heck yeah, I am! TOKUSETSU: What are you? TOTALLY NOT ARCHER: I’m Mad! TOKUSETSU: What are you?! TOTALLY NOT KIRITO: Mad! TOKUSETSU: And who’s going to pay for it? SHIROU: *She* is! [The hype is real!] TOKUSETSU: When’s the day? SHIROU: *Today’s* the day! [The hype is here!] COACH TOKUSETSU: WHEN’S THE DAY?! SHIROU: TODAY’S THE DAY!!
[The hype will win the Grail!] COACH TOKUSETSU: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?! SHIROU: I’m gonna waltz out there, plant my feet and say, “Rin Toesucka, today is the day…” RIN TOESUCKA: Hey, Emiya? SHIROU: Yeah, what’s up, Rin? [Aaand the hype is dead] RIN: Are you and your buddies gonna keep cuddling or can I get your help with something? SHIROU: Yeah, sure, of course. [Classmates groan with blue balls] CLASSMATE: Shirou, you coward! Today is ruined! CROWNED PRINCE OF DOUCHEBAGS: Today *is* the day, Emiya. Today’s the day… [Ooh, menacing.] [“Brave Shine by: Aimer] *Angry door opening* RIN: All right, let’s do this. [Oh, we’ve been so patient!] SHIROU: Um… RIN: You get one shot, and then I’m coming at you full force. [Yeah, she is!] SHIROU: Whoa, what? Hold on-
[Show her the bone of your sword] RIN: I suggest you take my head off with one shot
[Wait a sec…] If you don’t vaporize me, you’re going STRAIGHT OVER THE SIDE OF THE ROOF!
[We might be misunderstanding something here] SHIROU: Rin, Rin, Rin. Hold up. What are you talking about? RIN: I know what Actually Satan tried to do to you. You think I’m dumb enough not to expect revenge? [Ohhh, that’s what she meant… blue balled twice now] RIN: Do I look dumb to you? HIT ME NERDOID! SHIROU: Rin, I don’t want revenge! Archer was obviously operating outside your control, right? I don’t want to try to kill you! RIN: Good… Probably best for both of us. DODGED A GANDR: Yeah… RIN: Mostly you. I was ready to accept your stupid heart, right out of your stupid chest. [That’s some Temple of Doom shit there] WANTS THAT CRAZY: Disturbing… I mean, I don’t automatically forgive you, but you at least owe me an apology. [YOU FOOL! YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL!] RIN: (deep inhale) Oh, boy… …alright. [SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!] RIN: You might want to sit down. We’re gonna be here for a while. SHIROU: Is this happening? Is Rin going to apologize for something- Is this real? RIN: Shirou Emiya… I’m… …sorry. I’m very sorry you got your back cut open by Batman. SHIROU: Tricky start, but I can work with that. RIN: I’m sorry that you thought letting your guard down around a Servant who’s been talking about killing you for DAYS… …was a good idea. SHIROU: Getting worse…[But accurate] RIN: I’m *especially* sorry that Jason Todd straight-up tried to throw a punch at a Servant who’s been talking about killing you for days… …*before* letting your guard down around them. SHIROU: Admittedly not my greatest moment. All right, you know what? This is perhaps devolving into something *less* than apologetic. I accept your apology, Rin. RIN: Oh, that was hard. How do people do that? [Probably not like that] [Drink your GEO, kids] RIN: We need to address what we’re going to do about Caster. We don’t even know who their Master is right now. SHIROU: Archer said something about them being her “boy-toy at the school”. Guess it’s someone here? Which reminds me, we got to hit up the Douchebag and make him take down this bounded field. RIN: Shinji? KNOWS THINGS: ‘Cause he’s the Master of Rider. This *is* their bounded field, right? RIN: What?! SHIROU: What, you didn’t know that? RIN: (laughs) No, I had a thought about it. That’s ridiculous. Shinji is a student here, and Caster’s the one feeding on the townsfolk. Shinji wouldn’t need to kill his sister and his friends. [Have you met the guy?!] Though, he is the sort of sniveling coward who’d go after the easiest target… [Yes…?] [Field activating] And he does abuse his sister, so he’s clearly unstable… [Getting there…] WORLD’S GREATEST DETECTIVE: And I do know for a fact that his family has no magic circuits… So he couldn’t provide mana for Rider… [3…2…] Uh, oh… SHIROU: I thought we were slowing this thing down! RIN: WE WERE! SHIROU: That was literally yesterday! In what sense did we slow this down?! [So… Rider’s noble phantasm is Sauron…] SHINJI: (laughs maniacally) Finally! Now all those mundane brats will pay for only giving me *most* of what I want all the time. HOT MEDUSA: And you’re absolutely positive that Sakura stayed home from school today, correct? SHINJI: (laughs) Sure, man, totally.
[Totally *not* sarcastic] HOT MEDUSA: So, she’s not at school? SEX OFFENDER: She’s somewhere. SHIROU: Gah! Why is it so hard to breathe? RIN: ‘Cause your lungs are melting? Welcome to a Rider’s noble phantasm. Until further notice, let’s refer to it as “Fruit Punch Murder Slurpee”[™]. CHRONIC HERO SYNDROME: I gotta save everyone! RIN: Here’s big, dumb, hero mode. BIG DUMB HERO: Hey, is everyone in here alright? You have to tell us if your dead. RIN: This so twisted… Why would he pick the school and not some other populated building? [Insecurity?] SHIROU: Sakura! Sakura, are you okay? NOTICED AT LAST: Oh, cool. Nice that in my final moments you come to find me. After all, talking when I’m in perfectly good health would have been outrageous, you stupid idiot.
[She is sassy AF. Holy shit, I like her!] RIN: H-how is she? SHIROU: I’m gonna keep listening, one second. SAKURA: If you bring home one more broken pipe we don’t need, I’m gonna crack you upside the head with it. (PIPES: Leave her Master, she is unworthy) The only broken thing that needs fixing is your inability to commit to a relationship on any level.
[*You* try choosing between three waifus] SHIROU: Yeah, she’s fine. Basically normal, actually. BIG SIS RIN: (whispers) Oh, thank goodness. Not that I was worried about her… or anything. [b-baka] RIN: (gasps) Huh? HERO OF AINCRAD: Drawing power from the hopes of the helpless masses… … the hero emerges! [PIPE : YES MASTER SHIROU! LET’S SLAY THE UNCLEAN AND MAKE THEM BOW BEFORE THE POWER OF THE PIPES!] Stalwart, pipe in hand, ready to fight for- RIN: Not the time wonder boy! [PIPE : HERETIC! TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE DAY!] BOY WONDER: When will it be time, Rin?! [PIPE: Now is the time! TODAY’S THE DAY!!!] RIN: This isn’t good. These things are easy to beat, but there’s bound to be a lot of them. SHIROU: Alright, then we need our servants. [PIPE: Do you doubt me, Master?] I’ll summon Baeber, you summon Actually Satan. RIN: Good plan in theory, but *one* major problem. I’ve only got one command seal left… SHIROU: What happened?! RIN: I used my second one forcing Actually Satan to be unable to lay his hands on you without asking in ahhh… …certain way. SHIROU: Damn it! I mean it’s really nice of you and I’m really happy you care that much, but damn it! Well, where is he right now? THE DEVIL GOES TO SEARS: I’m looking at a pack of your Panasonic batteries, and I can’t help but notice they’re only sold in packs of 12. I only need two. Do you sell packs of two? No? ACTUALLY KAREN: Let me talk to your boss, please. SHIROU: Guess we’re on our own. By my command seal, I call you to my side… [PIPE: But I’m already at your side Master Shirou! Forever!] …Saber! [PIPE: Oh. Her…] BAEBER: At your behest, I have been summoned…! …from your house! THRISTY AF: God, she’s hot! The things I would do to you, woman… [Details, please?] SHIROU: You’re not even trying to be subtle anymore, are you? [No one else is complaining] HELICOPTER MOM: This seems like a good time to revisit *literally* every conversation we’ve had about you coming back to school. BI THE WAY: We don’t have time for this, babe. In five minutes, you’ll be able to drink everyone in this school through a straw. BAEBER: In that case, you should hurry to shut this thing down. I sense a Servant on this floor, and they’re concentrating here as well. I’ll buy you time. SHIROU: Are you sure you can handle Rider? BAEBER: If you and Rin can chase her off, I can take her. SHIROU: Then they’re all yours, Saber. AUDIENCE: I get first shot at the Douchebag! THE DOUCHEBAG: What do you think, Rider? I bet none of the other Masters could have come up with something like this. HOT AND TOTALLY NOT SARCASTIC MEDUSA: Your plan to hide away and use my noble phantasm to attack an *obvious* building… …to get me up to *bare-bones* fighting capabilities went off without a hitch. Congratulations. [This is why Sakura is her Master] (Door knocks) RIDER: Hmm? SHINJI: Is that a knock? I’m not hearing things, right? So-somone just knocked at the door. (Door knocks) SHINJI: Who are you? BLOODTHIRSTY SHAKESPEARE: Cry now. Bemoan your pitiful exisitence… PRONOUN GAME: No! It’s *you! B-but how could it be *you*? NEVER WATCHED UBW: You would be the last person I’d expect without prior knowledge. Damn you! You… SOUICHIROU: It is the moment… SHINJI: Speak like a normal human being! SOUICHIROU: …and with dark finality. SHINJI: You’re really freaking me out! ADAPTATIONAL SASS: Doesn’t take much does it? BAEBER: Begone! RIDER: (screams) Aagh! Aaaaahhh! BAEBER: What was that? Alright, I don’t know what just happened, but I’ll take it. ???: (joyful chuckles) BAEBER: You finally show yourself. You must be the Rider Servant. “RIDER”: (distorted) Totally. BAEBER: The strangely, *magic* oriented Rider Servant! [Quick! Tell her about Other Saber!] TIGER MOM: You hurt mah boi, Rider. Can’t let you go around hurting people’s bois! BAEBER: Oh, not you too… CASTER: Hello, lover… I’ll be seeing you very, very soon. [Bad touch!] CASTER: (lascivious chuckle) USED TO IT: Well, that’s certainly a series of things that happened. SHIROU: Jesus! That was awesome! I want to be able to do that! RIN: Those cost as much as your house, dude. SHIROU: Seemed like… overkill for four skeletons
[100% Maximum No Chill] RIN: Shirou, watch out. The enemy must have summoned that… …(shouts) blubbering, walrus baby… …to stop us. SHIROU: I wish I had the ability to say the things you say sometimes. SHINJI: Aah! What’d I do? What do you want? RIN: You did this barrier. We want TURN OFF THE BARRIER! SHINJI: (sobs) I almost got killed by *him* and all you can think about is this stupid barrier? Oh, you’re a Yandere! RIN: Listen you, there’s at least two and a half people in this school I care about. [Sakura, yourself obviously, and… Shirou?] . You don’t want to see Rin Tohsaka when she’s got something to lose.
[But if she had a choice, Baeber>Shirou] Hey! Are you gonna come be my Good Cop or what? SHIROU: I think the situation might have resolved itself. RIDER: (gasps in pain) [Now, why couldn’t it be Shinji?!] RIN: Is she…? RIDER: (wheezes) RIN: …still alive? SHIROU: She might be okay, right? [Don’t do that. Don’t give us hope] [OH GOD! WHY?!] RIN: Yeah, no. No, no, she’s dead. Like eight different ways. Dead. STILL NOT HEAVEN’S FEEL: You know, we never even learned her name. Is that rude? Is that bad Grail War etiquette? AXE CRAZY TSUNDERIN: Alright, aqua locks. Let’s start over. I call this routine: Bad Cop – Worse Cop. [Not much different than Good Cop – Bad Cop] I’m both. AQUA LOCKS: I… don’t get what you… Aah! RIN: Sorry, that was Bad Cop. SHINJI: Not Worse Cop? RIN: Worse Cop wouldn’t miss. [Nevermind!!] SHINJI: Look! It was *him* okay? *He* killed Rider. That *guy* just waltzed in, and murdered her with his *terrifying* bare hands. He swung his limbs around like they were goddamn nunchucks of death. AUDIENCE: Who is *he*, Shinji? I don’t want to play the pronoun game all day. SHINJI: See, that’s actually… ah, that’s… funny thing. The sort of thing is I, uh… …(stammers) I actually don’t know his, uhhh… name. (clears throat) AUDIENCE: Are you serious? SHINJI: You can’t expect me to remember the name of every teacher at this school. RIN: Heckin’ yes I can! It’s called not being a dickhead. Something your goldfish ass brain apparently can’t comprehend. GOLDFISH: You know what, Rin? Just you wait. Once I get back and re-summon my servant, I’ll be coming for you. [Did anyone actually explain the rules to him…?] I won’t be caught off guard by *that guy* again. MUDER/DEATH/KLL PRO: You can’t re-summon your servant. She died. You’re done. SHINJI: (stammers) But that’s… but then… but that’s… But how are you supposed to win if they die? RIN: Yeah, kind of just answered your own question. [The people the Grail drags in to fill empty spots…] DICKHEAD: I will be avenged! SHIROU: You know, you’d expect some scarring and boils and stuff from them melting as long as they did… ..but nah, they’re all still beautiful.
[Thanks, Unlimited Budget Works] Crazy… RIN: I narrowed things down with Shinji. We know the Master is a teacher now. We *would* know his name if he didn’t have the memory of a honeybee! BAEBER: I’m fairly certain I kind of fought Caster. SHRIOU: Right. She’s on the *list*. RIN: List? MASCOT WAIFU: She stroked my face and called me lover. SHIROU: Yeah, she is 200% on the list. 100% ON THE LIST: What list? SHIROU: A list we started for people like you.
[Assassin is only 50% on the list] RIN: People like… (horrible gasp of realization) She wants Baeber! BAEBER: At least you’re self-aware. YANDERIN: As the prophecy foretold… a rival! I pledged to her, undying hatred. May we duel for Baeber Supremacy! ACTUALLY SATAN: Hey, Rin? We’re gonna have to live without a remote for a while. I might have made the CEO of Panasonic my mortal enemy. SHIROU EMIYA: Me…! EMIYA SHIROU: Yeah…you. You all seem agitated. Did I miss something? RIN: The whole school got attacked by Rider *and* Caster. I don’t suppose you noticed all of the AMBULANCES outside?! That maybe tip you off?! EAGLE VISION: You know, you’re right. It was short-sighted of me not to associate any disaster in front of me with Rin Tohsaka. I’ll remember that in the the next Route. RIN: See that you do! SHIROU: Hey! You stabbed yourself! SUICIDE FAILURE: Yeah, sure did. SELF-DEPRECATION: I’m a butthole. LOOKING IN A MIRROR: I don’t mince words, huh? So that’s what went down, huh? Rider bit the dust. That’s curious. RIN: What’s curious about it? ACTUALLY FATE SHIROU: The fact that there’s no giant hole in the school… …from Saber… …using her noble phantasm to blow her and her Pegasus up? NEVER SAW FSN: What in the world are you talking about? ARCHER: How Rider died. SABER: I didn’t employ my noble phantasm, and I didn’t fight the true Rider. I fought a falsified illusion. ARCHER: What? Wait, then who killed Rider if Saber didn’t? SHIROU CONFUSED IN UBW TIMELINE: We’re confused about how confused we are. SHIROU CONFUSED IN FATE TIMELINE: I’m confused about how much things have changed. Makes you wonder what *could* change? COMPLETELY OUT OF THE LOOP: He clearly just expected Baeber to finish him off cuz she rocks harder than Elton John. I get ya Actually Satan, we’re on the same wavelength. CHOSE BAEBER IN FATE ROUTE: Yeah… RIN: For your information, we don’t know who killed her. She was dead when we got there ACTUALLY SATAN: (laughs) So wait, you’re telling me Saber was elsewhere fighting Caster and something killed Rider? Oh my God, she got taken down by a mere human. That’s a step down. KING OF CHIVALRY: I do not appreciate how dismissive you’re being. She was murdered in cold blood. ARCHER: What, were you dating?
[Her hair isn’t purple enough] What do you care? Heroic Spirits are tools. What’s shocking here is that a tool like a Heroic Spirit is like a Graf Zeppelin.
[Unfinished WWII German Aircraft Carrier] And it got taken down by the equivalent of Theodore Tugboat with some kitchen knives taped to the bow [Google it] RIN: What a specific analogy…
[If you’re Canadian, you already get it] VEXED BAEBER: I have no idea what you just said, but I demand you take it back! ARCHER: The point is she got cocky and was punished for it. She probably underestimated Caster’s Master and got taken by surprise. [Or got her screen time reduced] It only takes one slip-up in battle to see yourself obliterated. Doesn’t matter how strong you are. RIN: All things considered Archer, you should have been there to help. ARCHER: You literally told me to keep myself busy away from the school. RIN: Yeah, until a giant *barrier of death* forms around it. You’ve got special Archer eyes. You should have been able to see it from miles away. “B” LEVEL MIND’S EYE: First of all, my special eyes as you call them can only see details about 4km away. Which is like two and a half miles, not the whole city. Second of all, I was out in the city buying you batteries for your remote from a company I’m no longer speaking the name of, which put me inside a building. “C” LEVEL CLAIRVOYANCE: I can’t see through walls up to a city away, Rin. Third of all, travel distance. “C” LEVEL AGILITY: I’m fast, but all that happened and resolved in like five or six minutes. How in the world was I supposed to get here that fast? Did you want me to start carpet-bombing the school? I thought we had a discussion about how *not* okay that is. RIN: Fourth, I don’t care for the tone you’re taking with me right now. A Servant shouldn’t be making “excuses” for why they couldn’t protect their Master. If that’s gonna be your attitude, Satan, then- ACTUALLY SATAN: Then what, Rin? You’ll command me to kill myself? That’s about all you’ve got left right now. FORESHADOWING: You’re in the tumultuous territory where you’ve already used two command seals on your Servant. So you have to either deal with their troublesome opinions or check out of the war. BAEBER: (whispers) Should we be here for this? SHIROU: (whispers) I don’t know, it feels weirdly domestic. Are we complicit in this if we don’t speak up? RIN: (snarls) Are you *threatening* me, Satan? ACTUALLY SATAN : No, Rin. I’m saying that from this point on you’re going to actually listen to my input instead of rushing headlong into things. RIN: Okay, then o wise one. What do you suggest we do about Caster’s Master then? UNCANONICALLY AWARE: Well, obviously, we’ve got to ambush and kill Kazuki, don’t we? CANONICALLY OBLIVIOUS: Kazuki?! KNOWS THINGS TOO: ‘Cause he’s the Master of Caster? RIN: What?! ARCHER: What, you didn’t know that? RIN: No! I hadn’t thought about it. Cause it’s ridiculous! BAEBER: I mean, he *is* really creepy and is in absurd physical condition. RIN: And he *did* just sort of show up one day. So we wouldn’t know his family history. [Oh, God this again] SHIROU: Aaand he *does* live up at Ryudou Temple where Caster is. [Is this like… a recurrent thing or…?] (sighs) Yeah, dude, it’s Kazuki. See, I knew he knew. There was like a 5% chance it was Issei but let’s be realistic here going down that mental path would have been embarrassing for everyone.
[No Yaoi fanservice on *this* series] RIN: Excuse me, one second. Shirou, I’mma need to talk to you for a sec. SHIROU: Hey, hey, wh-wh-wh-wh-what’s wrong? Are-are you alright? RIN: (whispers) Archer just called my bluff. Pretty sure I just lost an argument. What happens now? NOT ARCHER: What do you mean? COMPETITION FREAK: What do people do when they lose arguments? Don’t fuck around with me here. BETA MALE: (strained) I-I-I-I don’t know what to- Tell them, honestly, how you feel, I guess. That’s what I would do. RIN: (satisfied) Okay, this is on you then. AXE CRAZY HONESTY: Archer, I admit that I was harsh on you, and I will stab you in the throat if you ever prove me wrong again. Ah, that’s better! Being honest is kind of awesome. ARCHER: (exhausted) Are we gonna go kill Kazuki? RIN: Yeah! Let’s do that, like right now. All aboard the USS Homicide. MINOR FATE DIFFERENCE: Random question. Did you ever find out who Rider was? SHIROU: Nah… FATE SHIROU: Bummer. UBW SHIROU: Indeed. SHINJI: (pants) Oh, finally… that was… the longest… solid sprint… of my life… in my life. (whispers) Same diff. Hey, priest! (pants) You owe me some answers. REVEREND SARCASM: How could I refuse such a pleasant request, and do you need a moment to catch your breath? SHINJI: My servant died! KIREI: Yes… GRAIL WAR NOOB: We got attacked by another Master and she got killed! GRAIL WAR WINNER: Tough break… SHINJI: We were trying to take the souls of everyone at the damn school so my Servant could well, I don’t know, be a *damn* Servant for a while! And we got ambushed, she was killed- FATHER REFEREE: So what I’m hearing is your Servant died. What happened next? SHINJI: Nothing! That’s it! I’m suing you! AMUSED: You’re suing me? Yeah, priest. I was gonna come in here and rough you up a bit. But you turned out to be way too buff… …so I’m suing you. “S” LEVEL INCOMPETENT: I thought I could re-summon my Servant if I died- if they died. But apparently this Servant game has permadeath on. CLICHE MILLENNIAL: Your rules were unclear and everyone else has bullshit useful Servants So, I’m suing you for every penny… and the Grail! Mic drop! KICKING THE DOG: Who are you again? RANTING DOUCHEBAG: I’m Shinji, obviously. KIREI: (laughs) That doesn’t exactly help. Look. Shinji, if you somehow acquired a Servant but lost, then I’m afraid you’re done. There are no second chances. You’re more than welcome to stay here. I have a *nice* storage closet in the basement where you can stay for your own safety.
[Look it up. Shinji would deserve it] SHINJI: But- But that’s not fair! Just because I lost Rider? Shirou gets to be a Master. Rin got to be a Master. Even my stupid sister- KIREI: Oh…. did you say Rider? Your Servant was Rider. SHINJI: If you can call her a Servant. KIREI: Does that make you Shinji Matou, then? Brother of the adopted Sakura Matou? Nephew of the late Kariya Matou? [Uh, oh…] And you, nephew of Kariya Matou, stand to gain from continuing to battle Shirou Emiya? DIDN’T SEE FATE/ZERO: Yeah, why? What does my deadbeat uncle have to do with this? SADISM TRIGGERED: Oh, Shinji Matou… …it has *everything* to do with this. NEW PLAYTHING: Ummm… KIREI: So about your request Shinji… 8th SERVANT: Kirei! Kirei, no! I can hear what you’re thinking from the basement. SHINJI: Uh, who- who is tha- (gasps) KIREI: Don’t worry about them. You know all those things I said about you being done? Those were lies. I lied. I’m sorry for lying, but “yorokobe shounen”. KING OF HEROES: “Rejoice” my ass, Kirei! Don’t make me come up there! EVIL TASTES GOOD: If you wish for a new Servant then wait no longer… today is the day…. GILGAMESH: (groans) All right, let’s see this mutt. What are we working with? GILGAMESH: Penis bugs…
[No, really] Penis bug magic. He stuck me with a diseased, perverse Master [Thanks, Nasu] Gonna cut his face off. It’s gonna come right off. DISEASED MASTER: Isn’t it great? They’re called crest worms. They- DEATH GLARE: Did I at any point say you could talk? SHINJI: (gulps) THE ACTUAL MASTER: It’s ridiculous that someone as negligible as you would assume communication would be part of our relationship. Well, go on… apologize. You have my permission to kiss my ass, mongrel. SHINJI: I-I’m sorry. I think? I meant to say that our family magic is good for-
[Really sick shit] GILGAMESH: Respond using as little air as possible. Do you have a Mother? Father? SHINJI: He left. GILGAMESH: Grandparents? SHINJI: My grandpa. GILGAMESH: I’m gonna kill him. SHINJI: Hehehe. You’re a riot, Gilgamesh. GILGAMESH: Strange that you’d say so. I wasn’t joking… Also, because I did *not* give you permission to speak! You petulant, bug riddled, troglodyte! Now show me to your Grandfather so I may dispose of him and your revolting penis bug magic in one fell swoop. PETULANT TROGLODYTE: I have this feeling, that we are going to be the best of friends. That tonight is gonna be a good night. (singsongy) Tonight is gonna be a good, good night BEST GIRL: I guess that’s me gone from this series Oh, well. Guess I’ll use my last lines to bring up the Patreon or whatever. You want to support making more and see scenes as they’re made you can add to the Patreon. Every bit helps supposedly. If previews mean anything to you You can also get updates from our Twitter and catch us over on our DnD channel if you don’t have anything better to do Later, I guess… I won’t say goodbye or anything. Even one scene in the last episode.
Stop right there! You with the violin. Stop! Violin documents, please. Excuse me? I said, violin documents. Good, your Ling Ling insurance is still in order. So, it seems like our radar has clocked you at playing 325 beats a minute. No, sir. That’s impossible. Can you explain this? Do you know that’s over twice as fast as the average legal speed limit? Do you know how many semiquavers are lost every day by rash musicians like you, playing at such a fast and irresponsible tempo. But I thought if you can play it slowly you can play it quickly. Not according to the law. Oh. Sorry, sir. Let’s proceed to the sobriety test. I’m going to need you to hold a B on the violin and play it until I tell you to stop. Whoa… The results of your bad intonation test are positive. You were over a whole semitone sharp. When was the last time you changed your strings? I don’t know, like two months ago? Or a year. Hmm? More like two years. And what’s this? No, no, no, no, it’s not what it seems! Do you know what this is? Sir, I have no idea. So you have no idea how this much rosin got onto your fingerboard. Suspect has been caught for over-speeding, expired strings, and substance abuse. We’re gonna have to escort you to the Very Important Office of Legal Affairs section. Wait, wait, but what’s the… Very Important Office of Legal Affairs … section? The… V.I.O.L.A. section.
I’m gonna Smite ‘em all A six minion army couldn’t hold me back They’re gonna RIP and fall Taking my time, cause I’m building stacks And I’m stalkin’ for a gank in right So that I can get fed Back and forth, taking lives I’m like a silhouette And the message says, “That kill is mine, man! Leave it alone!” Don’t wanna hear about it Every single scrub’s got QQin’ to do Yeah bro I know about it Just kill waves with AA’s in-hand pew pew pew! And if we kill ‘em up high in their lane We’ll go and steal their blue And that ain’t what they want to hear, But that’s what we’ll do And the mage is falling back alone, gonna send him home! I’m gonna switch it on Go kill these guys like it is just a chore I’m gonna clear the wave Gotta go farm so I won’t be poor And I’m backin’ and I’m backin’ and I’m backin’ While I browse the store Then we’ll go and take GF for free And level up some more When you’re nearly dead alone in lane, kid, Go back home!
What is wrong with you? What is it? Hold it there what is your problem! Who are you people? Why did you hit my… I will slap you now Do you know who you are talking to? Jagaban what is wrong with you you want me to break your… Are you mad? Let’s fight Come one on one Come Leave him Come, one on one Are you mad? You want to fight with me? Come one on one Come here! Come on go down come on get up My guy where are you Who do you think you are! That is how you harass soldier people Civilians they behave anyhow Kneel down Look at this bloody civilian Don’t worry we are going to show him a little of… next time… When you see people on the road Be it your fellow civilians you know how to talk to them Don’t talk any how Bloody civilian!
(techno music) (man sniffles) – Are you okay?
– Uh, yeah. – What’s wrong? – I’m watching It’s a Wonderful
Life, it always get me. – Oh, I love Christmas movies! – Oh god, me too, “Christmas Story,”
“Miracle on 34th Street,” “Elf” for god sakes.
– Oh my god I love Elf. – Oh.
(scoffing chuckles) – Tao, what’s up, what’s the problem? – You guys wanna know what my
favorite Christmas movie is? – “Love Actually”? – “The Santa Clause” with
(grunting) Tim Allen? – No, I don’t like any of those
lame (bleep) family movies. My favorite Christmas movie is “Die Hard,” which is technically a Christmas movie. – You’re one of those.
– Nah, people love saying that,
but it’s not, you know, a Christmas movie, it’s
not a family movie. – John McClane has a family. – You know what we mean. – What, prove me wrong. – Okay, if you’re gonna
be a weird jerk about it. I guess I’d say that a
Christmas movie has to have the theme of family, or
communities coming together, and it has to take place around Christmas. – All right, if “Die Hard” doesn’t count, then my favorite Christmas
movie is “Eyes Wide Shut.” – Oh my god.
– Perfect answer. – You know that’s not what we mean. – Look, “Eyes Wide Shut” is a great movie, but it is not a Christmas movie. – What, why not? Tom Cruise is watching
people bang on Christmas. There’s a Christmas tree in
almost every single shot, and at the end, after all the orgies, he’s finally connected to his family. – What do you want right now? What do you want my reaction to be? – What, I’m just saying? – The movie isn’t a Christmas movie. It’s not a feel-good family
classic Christmas movie, it’s a feel-horny, freaky,
nasty person movie. You wouldn’t sit down
with your grandmother and watch that film. – Okay, fine then, whatever. My favorite Christmas movie
then is the first three episodes of Ken Burns’s “Civil War,”
– Okay. – which my father made us watch every single Christmas
day, without any breaks. He’d stare at that screen
and every 10 minutes, he’d say, “Damn, this
country is messed up.” – That’s actually really sad.
– Checkmate. – Tao, what are you trying to prove? – What, that’s just my X-mas.
– Shut up. – All right, that’s fine, we’ll just put up my
Christmas decorations. – Ooh.
– Ah, now this actually I really like, he’s got the festive bow on there. And what’s that, a picture of your family? – No, it’s actually hundreds of families. This is UTAGE flight 141,
it’s an international flight that crashed on Christmas
Day, killing over 140 people. (bleep) It’s a Christmas photo. – That is so morbid. – I’m done talking to you. – Please don’t speak to me anymore. – Okay.
(keystrokes clicking) You guys listening to Christmas music? My favorite X-mas song is “Please Daddy, Don’t Get
Drunk this Christmas” by John Denver, king of Christmas himself. It’s great, it’s festive,
it’s got a really good melody. What, what?
(grunting) I’m just, I’m just.
(grunting) – [Man In Glasses] I love Christmas. – Hey it’s Tao, if you like College Humor and want to support us,
sign up for Dropout. For the low price of
a small bag of catnip, you’ll get videos like
this a whole week sooner, to chat with us live on Dropout discord, and get exclusive content
like Dimension 20. – There are no stupid Christians. – Are you my freaking dad? (laughing) – Sign up for your free trial
today, unless you hate fun, which if you do, come
to my party on Saturday, it won’t be fun at all.
The entire time I knew him… He only ever had one goal. To wipe out half the universe If he gets all the infinity stones… He can do it with a snap of his fingers Just like that Tell me his name again. BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! We got one advantage He’s coming to us. Oh yes! Return of the astro nut! We toys can see everything! So play nice! Aaaaagh! I’ve set my laser from stun to kill. Rawr! RAAAAAWR! *screams* You are a sad strange little man. Aaaaaagh! To infinity… And Beyond! oooooooo The Claw!